Review: McDonald’s, Big ‘n Tasty

Friends.

Cincinnatians.

Countrymen.

I may have found the perfect hamburger.

After hearing so many tweets from 5chw4r7z about how amazing and wonderful McDonald’s Big and Tasty is (usually three times a week, Bob is nothing if not a devotee), how perfect a hamburger it is, how nothing (not Terry’s Turf Club, not Gordo’s, not Zip’s) can compare, I decided to try it.  It’s essentially built to compare with the Burger King Whopper: 1/4 pound of hamburger (which McDonald’s now advertises to be 100% beef!  What was it before?), a sesame seed bun, lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise, ketchup, chopped (fresh!) onions, two pickle slices, and grill seasoning.

It is a gift from God.

Actually, no, it’s a gift from Chuck Norris.

Because the only reason God rested on the seventh day was because Chuck Norris let him.

Anyway.

Delicious, processed patty.  Pale, limp tomato.  A swath of mayonnaise and ketchup.  A couple of limp pickle slices.  A LOT of pepper.

Obviously, the perfect burger.  I’m not entirely sure why I would pay more than $2.86 for a burger, now that I know about the Big ‘n Tasty.  You wonder what my favorite burger in Cincinnati is?  Wonder no more!

Look at its beautiful packaging.

Look at its perfectly symmetrical bun, studded with beautiful sesame seeds.

Look at the tomato!

Look at the toppings, just aching to escape the bun!

Chuck Norris approves (look, he’s about to take a bite of one now!).

(I mean, after all, Chuck Norris was the original Big ‘n Tasty.  Yeah, I went there.)

Look no further: Like the guy who ate the Big Macs daily from Super Size Me, I may have to join the ranks of McDonald’s worshippers.  Jean-Robert, make a burger that can compare with this!

(Check the date, folks. And much love to Bob, the inspiration for this post. )

Tagged as: april fool's, big 'n' tasty, chuck norris, mcdonald's