Review: McDonald’s, Big ‘n Tasty

Friends.

Cincinnatians.

Countrymen.

I may have found the perfect hamburger.

After hearing so many tweets from 5chw4r7z about how amazing and wonderful McDonald’s Big and Tasty is (usually three times a week, Bob is nothing if not a devotee), how perfect a hamburger it is, how nothing (not Terry’s Turf Club, not Gordo’s, not Zip’s) can compare, I decided to try it.  It’s essentially built to compare with the Burger King Whopper: 1/4 pound of hamburger (which McDonald’s now advertises to be 100% beef!  What was it before?), a sesame seed bun, lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise, ketchup, chopped (fresh!) onions, two pickle slices, and grill seasoning.

It is a gift from God.

Actually, no, it’s a gift from Chuck Norris.

Because the only reason God rested on the seventh day was because Chuck Norris let him.

Anyway.

Delicious, processed patty.  Pale, limp tomato.  A swath of mayonnaise and ketchup.  A couple of limp pickle slices.  A LOT of pepper.

Obviously, the perfect burger.  I’m not entirely sure why I would pay more than $2.86 for a burger, now that I know about the Big ‘n Tasty.  You wonder what my favorite burger in Cincinnati is?  Wonder no more!

Look at its beautiful packaging.
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Look at its perfectly symmetrical bun, studded with beautiful sesame seeds.

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Look at the tomato!

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Look at the toppings, just aching to escape the bun!

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Chuck Norris approves (look, he’s about to take a bite of one now!).

(I mean, after all, Chuck Norris was the original Big ‘n Tasty.  Yeah, I went there.)

Look no further: Like the guy who ate the Big Macs daily from Super Size Me, I may have to join the ranks of McDonald’s worshippers.  Jean-Robert, make a burger that can compare with this!

(Check the date, folks. And much love to Bob, the inspiration for this post. :) )

McDonalds on Urbanspoon

  • http://www.redkatblonde.com redkatblonde

    Love this Julie!!!! Take that Bob! :)

  • http://5chw4r7z.com 5chw4r7z

    LMAO!!!
    That is awesome Julie.
    Although as usual I never know if you are complimenting or insulting me.
    Thanks for a good laugh.
    Happy April 1.

  • http://www.katesrandommusings.com Kate

    You are so clever – what a fun 04/01 post… for a minute, I thought we were going to have to commit you :)

  • http://www.amyinohio.wordpress.com Amy in OHio

    Shew, I saw this title in my reader and was sure you’d had some head trauma.

    Happy April’s Fool!

  • http://www.theboilover.com theboilover

    Wow, I almost dropped this page off my bookmarks list faster than McD’s drops the fry basket. Then I remembered what a great day it is! Nice Job :-)

  • http://www.laurascarbonfootprint.wordpress.com Laura

    Genius! Seriously.

  • http://www.twitter.com/chrisbergman Chris Bergman

    So. Incredibly. Awesome.

  • CincyCapell

    That’s some delicious snark Julie! Chuck Norris is a major wingnut lunatic, btw, black helicopters and all.

  • http://www.queercincinnati.com QueerCincinnati

    Yea. About that…

    My initial response? “This post did not happen.”

    • http://www.bing.com/ Priest

      Thanks alot – your answer solved all my problems after several days srgtugilng

  • Lauren

    Wow – I nearly had a heart attack after reading the title of this post in my reader! Great joke, Julie, and excellent Chuck Norris references as well.

  • http://billock.net Brent Billock

    Hilarious!

    Why can McDonald’s never find a way to put tomato on a burger without it becoming a disgusting slice of gelatinous ooze?

  • http://www.foodiewannabes.blogspot.com k

    loved this, as i’m sure chuck norris did.

  • http://gourmetorgourmand.blogspot.com Lesley

    Yikes. You might want to include a disclaimer for those of us who read this when it is not April Fool’s Day, or those people who visit for the first time…

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